This was written by a friend of mine and all USB proceeds will go to him.

t's been a month since I got the axe from my humble advertising position, and in that month I've come to a greater understanding of what it means to be a casualty of economy. I mean, once you swim through the anger and questions endemic to the situation ("Why me!?", "Did I do something wrong?", "It's because I'm Black, isn't it?"--because, with Black people, it's always because we're Black until proven otherwise. Don't get it twisted), you come to stumble upon the impression that the first few post-layoff weeks are like mini-vacation. Like being suspended from school. Sure, I don't have to fight for the bathroom in the morning anymore. I get to run through my list of "To Do"s that I never actually had a chance to do because I was always working. I get to take myself to the museum or a movie matinee. I get to sit home and watch all my favorite DVDs. And with the severance I received, I can be pretty comfortable for the time being. That is, until the money runs out. And I get tired of seeing movies by myself. Ditto for the museums. And I mean, really, how many times can you watch "Clueless" before you wanna rip your hair out (I know, there's NEVER too much "Clueless!")? And did I mention the unchecked eating? Boredom breeds fat people like a yuppie breeds credit card debt.

But in a time when sitting on the computer applying to jobs for 8 hours a day, weeks at a time, doesn't even garner you five call-backs, it pays to go the extra mile. I started walking into offices and hand delivering my resume:

"Hi," I said approaching the receptionist in my most professional attire, "I was wondering if your company needed any office help?"
The receptionist shot an impatient, aggravated look at me, "Being that I'm the only 'office help' left, I'd certainly hope not."
"Oh," I answered, wading in awkwardness, "Well, I've got my resume here..."
She snatched it and gave me another beat-down via the eyes.
"Um, I like your earrings..."
An even harder look.
"Ok, yeah I'm just gonna go. Have a nice day."

It also pays to have friends who've got your back:

"So, I heard..." began my friend Mike, "Like, from this guy I used to bang. Anyways, he knows a guy who's friends with this girl Mitzy who used to work at Sony Music..."
"Sony Music is hiring?"
"No. But she knows this guy who does this telemarketing thing. Like, from 9pm until 4am you go into this big room in like, Hollis, Queens and you call people in like, Asia and stuff--cuz it's daytime over there--and you sell them office furniture."
I decided to entertain the thought. Hey it's a job. "Well, how much does it pay?"
"It's like, um eight dollars an hour. But get this, every sale is another three dollars commission. That's like $11 dollars an hour. And you've got a hot phone voice! Gurl, you can sell. Sell that shit!"

"I met this girl in Union Square and she said her uncle works for the city in sewage processing and--"
"No."

"My mom said the body shop where she takes her Jag is looking for someone to help out for $400 a week under the table."
"Really?"
"Yeah! That's hot. You should do it."
"Wait, but doesn't your mom live in Connecticut?"
"Yeah. But whatever. It's an hour and 45 on the Metro North each way. Just think of all the reading you'll get done!"
"What? That's too far!"
"Derrick, in THIS economy nothing is too far."

This is something I keep hearing: in "this economy." Every other member of the club--and by club I mean the fact that everywhere I go I run into someone else who's been laid off, like an elite mini-society where everyone who's a member hates the fact that they are--continuously chides me for my "pickiness" in job selection.

"Take what you can get!" A married, 42-year old black man instructed me on the subway once. "I've been to restaurants, bars--you name it! Nothin'. I got two kids. Burger King was the only place that hired me."
"Really? Burger King?"
"Boy, in this economy..."

So I look at these job pages and I think to myself, "can I really afford to say no to cold calling people in Asia to buy rolling chairs?" This economy is only going to get worse so maybe I should just take what I can get.

"Yo, my salon needs a new security guard. I think it pays like $12 an hour."
"Your salon has security detail?"
"Hel-lo, my salon is a big. Fucking. Deal. Jennifer Aniston went there once."

All I know is sleeping until 10am is just not cutting it for me anymore. You know how when you sleep too long you wake up and your body is sore? It's like my back is telling me "bitch, get the fuck over it and wake up at a normal time." Maybe I should work at a drugstore or 711? I got unemployment coming in, but it's not that much. But, I mean, I made $40 a month work in college. Unemployment is like, I may as well change my name to Rockefeller. Still, I wonder what it is that motivates me not to jump in. It certainly isn't pride or entitlement.

"If you ask me," a friend counseled, "You getting laid off was God's way of telling you to stop dicking around and start working for you."
"You mean, like finally open that Janet Jackson fan store called 'Planet Janet?'"
"No, like not spending the rest of your life doing any old work just to pay your bills. What do you want to do with your life?"

Wow. Work on myself. What a concept. So unheard of. So anti-establishment. It's a concept I presented to my most practical, forward-thinking family members.

"Are you kidding me!? I'd spend my nights scratching up the blackened, hardened bubble gum spots on the floors of all the subway stops in New York if it meant I'd get a reliable paycheck every week." My brother scolded. "This isn't an episode of Oprah, this is real life."

He took a deep breath, exasperated by the mere idea of my not accepting the first job, any job that fell across my lap. As he did so I worked in my head for my rebuttal. My grandstanding diva moment of defiance. My Sally Field "Not Without My Daughter" Emmy-clinching moment of pure embrace of ego and need, of tearing the shackles of society's expectations and goin after my own dreams and goals...until he finally added:

"I mean, in THIS economy? Geeze!"

omgz.. i need a HD!

I've wanted an xbox 360 for so very long.. *sigh*

Alliance

Need a new phone, sprint keeps screwing me out of life.

The Unforgiven II - Metallica